Matriarchal Review: Becoming a Matriarch by Helen Knott
- Nov 26, 2023
- 3 min read
My wee review: Becoming a Matriarch by Helen Knott is a short but powerful memoir about a woman dealing with the loss of her mother and grandmother, with reflections on the influence of colonization and gender norms in her family and culture. Well worth a read!
Becoming a Matriarch popped onto my radar when I saw it listed as an upcoming author talk hosted by the Toronto Public Library. Books about grief can be hard to pick up--it's sometimes hard to find the motivation to put yourself through an intense, emotional, but perhaps cathartic and enlightening experience. But, I'm so glad I picked up this book after attending the talk with Helen Knott.
(You can read about my experience at the author talk with Helen Knott on my Wakelet page, or my Instagram page- posts on Oct 26, 2023.)
Becoming a Matriarch tells Ms. Knott's story of the tragic losses of her mother and grandmother in a short period, and her process of grief and redefining herself in their absence.
Photo of my freshly purchased copy with
the beautiful Toronto Reference Library as a
backdrop (credit)
What I loved:
Ms Knott is a beautiful writer--honest, emotional, at times funny--and hearing her describe her love for her mother and grandmother, and the intense feelings of loss after they died, was very moving. I lost my grandmother when I was a teenager, and so hearing about Ms Knott's relationship with her grandmother when she was an adult and a mother herself made me really miss my own grandma and the relationship we could have had if she were still alive.
As an Indigenous woman, Ms Knott also offers glimpses into contemporary Indigenous culture and, most powerfully, the ongoing legacy of colonialism and systemic oppression on herself, her family, and her community. One part of the story that really sticks with me is when Ms Knott is seeking a type of ritual to signify her grief and to honour the loss of her loved ones, but does not know what her ancestors would have done. So, she has to borrow the traditions of a friend's Indigenous community, and cuts her hair.
At the Toronto Public Library talk, Ms. Knott introduced a reading by first describing a cherished memory she had of her grandma. The love in her voice reflected the level of emotion in her writing. (Credit)
What I loved less:
Honestly, there wasn't much that I didn't love about this book. I think the only thing I can critique is that it was too short! There were topics and themes Ms Knott touched on briefly, but that I would've loved to hear more about. For example, she talked about her role as a woman in her family as being always aware of other people's emotions, and acting as their caregiver, particularly for the men. As part of her journey through grief and self-discovery, she moves away from that role and challenges her father and brothers to step more into the role of emotional caregiver. This discussion of gender norms and contemporary masculinity was interesting and I wish I heard more.
Final thoughts: I encourage you to pick up a copy of Becoming a Matriarch. Not only will you be supporting a talented Canadian Indigenous author, but you'll also learn a lot about family, grief, contemporary Indigenous cultures, and the power of immense loss to bring about great growth and change.
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