Mama-bear Review: Soldier Sailor by Claire Kilroy

My wee review: Soldier Sailor by Claire Kilroy is a total gut punch, no-holds-barred portrayal of early motherhood--the fierce love, the loss of identity, the isolation, the boredom, the rage--that brought me newfound appreciation for mothers I know (and some healthy fear of having children myself!).

I can't recall where I heard about Soldier Sailor, but when my library hold finally came in, I had completely forgotten what this book was about and why I wanted to read it. And then I remembered, oh right..I want to have a child soon and this book promises to be a brutally honest, searing portrayal of motherhood. I figured, better to know what you're getting yourself into, eh?

Well. Let's just say this book instilled a healthy level of fear and caution in me as a wannabe parent! All while taking me on an intensely emotional, personal, all-consuming wild ride.

A deeply feminist book about motherhood in all its gory

glory, and a deeply feminist plant pot. (Credit)

What I loved:

I don't know if the author, Claire Kilroy, was setting out to send a profound political message with her book or just recount a personal experience, but this book matters. It's 2023, yet Western society still holds on to very romanticized notions of motherhood and child-raising, which must make new mothers feel incredibly lonely or defective when faced with the harsh realities of raising a tiny human.

We need more stories that share and validate the actual lived experiences of mothers. Perhaps if we talked about how hard it was --physically, emotionally, spiritually--we might start valuing caregiving more, and think of ways to better support caregivers and those performing domestic labour (still mostly women)?

The writing was raw and intense; it was a physically taxing experience to read it. Kilroy writes with such honest intensity of emotion that my body responded accordingly. I felt her panic in my chest and tensed shoulders when she couldn't find her toddler in IKEA, or when she was silently fuming with rage at her less-than-supportive husband.

And let's talk about her husband. I hated him, but I loved how perfectly Kilroy created a complete ass of a man. The partner is the perfect embodiment of the type of father who likes to praise himself for "helping out" with the child or "babysitting," and claims it's his partner's fault for not letting him do more, while he demonstrates incompetence, emotional immaturity and insensitivity, and complete entitlement to his own interests and well-being. There is one scene where the child is very ill in the night and the partner has the AUDACITY to complain about the level of noise, because he has a "big day at work" the next day. GAWD I wanted to jump into the book and pummel him!! I shall forever hold this character in my mind, and when my partner annoys me, will tell myself "at least he's not as bad as THAT guy."

One of the most intense first pages in a book ever.

(credit)

What I loved less:

This is no fault of the book's, but I read this book during a very stressful week, when I was feeling stretched and a little emotionally fragile. At times, I was hesitant to pick it up only because I wasn't sure if I had the emotional bandwidth. So, just beware that this is not a light, 100% uplifting read, and schedule your reading accordingly!

Also, without going into any details, I have mixed feelings about the ending. Let's just say, I need more people to read this book so we can discuss!

Final thought:

If you have children, pick this book up to validate your experiences and your tireless all-consuming work.

If you want children, pick this book up to get an honest take on what is involved.

If you don't want children, pick this book up to gain newfound respect for the undervalued, often hidden work of mothers everywhere, which needs to be talked about and valued oh-so-much more.